{rice, beans & love}

I grew up hearing the phrase “life isn’t fair.” I heard it when I didn’t get the shoes I wanted or didn’t get to go to the sleepover I wanted to go to. I learned the truth to the statement as life threw disappointments my way, but it seems as though this phrase has taken on a completely new meaning to me lately.

Some of my most relaxing days here take place on a balcony, where I string beads together, listen to the hums of village life, feel whatever breeze the day has to offer and take my mind off everything as my hands put together jewelry. May seem strange that I say working is relaxing but it’s nice not to talk or think about much for a few hours out of the day. But, somehow life always interrupts me. Just last week, I had a total of six random strangers find me in my relaxing place. A group of three women told me their stories of hunger and desperation. A pregnant woman stopped by looking for baby supplies. Another set of women came up to the balcony, looking for work.

I’ve come up with some go to Creole phrases: “Mwen pa gen anyen kounye a” (I have nothing right now) “Men, m’ap sonje ou le mwen genyen” (But, I will remember you when I do have something) And they respond, “Ba bliye mwen” (Don’t forget me)

Life isn’t fair.

I see the look in their eyes and they want to work. They’re not lazy; they want to take care of their children. They’re trapped in the mess we call “poverty” and I see it sucking the life out of them. This phrase brings on new meaning as these people are clinging on to whatever small opportunities life will hand them, not just being upset if they didn’t get the right pair of shoes. This phrase’s meaning goes from something so shallow and materialistic so something so much deeper for me.

As they come looking to me for work, a part of me wants to hand over my jewelry making tools and teach them, give them my job. Give them some type of opportunity. I think of all the opportunities I had growing up. In high school, I worked at our local drive-thru flipping burgers and making ice cream cones. In college, I served pizza as a waitress and could make over $100 in tips on a Friday night. My senior year of college, the Lord opened doorways for me to become the manager of a ViBella center and I’m blessed by this job in so many ways. Oh yeah, on top of these not-so flattering jobs, I graduated from high school and had the opportunity to choose whichever college I wanted to go to. I always had access to clean water, a refrigerator full of food and a bed to sleep on.

I had always taken my days at the drive-thru for granted, but these mothers and fathers are searching and desperate for a job. They’re grateful for jobs that pay $5.00 a day and I was disappointed when people didn’t tip well. They’re willing to do anything to put their children through school and put food on the table.

It’s not fair that the biggest difference between the opportunities I had in my life and they don’t have in theirs is that I was born there and there were born here. Because they were born here, from day one of their lives, they’ll be trapped in all the issues poverty has to offer: no jobs, no healthcare, limited access to clean water, limited electricity, limited educational opportunities, corrupt governments and the list goes on and on… And, I realize our government has issues all of their own and people struggle to get by in the land of the free, but the issues of extreme poverty are just on a level all of their own.

And, life just isn’t only unfair these days but so bipolar, too. A month ago I celebrated and had one of the best days of my life as I married Webert. Three weeks later, I attended a funeral for a sweet 16-year-old girl who died from an asthma attack. It was a death that shouldn’t have happened if only appropriate treatment had been accessible. Half the people at the funeral had danced and celebrated with me at my wedding and the brother of the girl who passed was one of the groomsmen. Judeline, who lost her 13-month-old baby to pneumonia this past December, cried at our morning devotional the other day because she misses Rosie. Later that day, we sang and danced together on the balcony.

I get frustrated by so many small things and struggle with finding contentment, yet I have such a beautiful family and spend most of my afternoons laughing and playing with my kids.

It’s hard to figure it all out. Some days I’m not even quite sure what exactly I’m even trying to figure out. Maybe it’s this thing we call life, but who knows. It’s so full of unfairness, uncertainty and heartbreak. But, then the end of the day comes and sun’s rays strike through the clouds as if God is screaming only at me reminding me of his miracles, mercy and grace. I allow myself to breathe deeper, laugh harder and dance a little more ridiculously as my kids egg me on.

I find hope in his promises. And that statement sounds nice, since that’s what we are supposed to find to find hope in as his disciples. But, I don’t want the statement to sound cliché. I want to figure out why I believe in that statement so much.

I think what I’m figuring out the most in life’s unfairness is that it’s okay to not have it all together. It’s okay to make mistakes, not have all the answers, have bad hair days, and feel stressed out. We have to realize that life is going to knock us down, push us out of our comfort zones and make us feel like giving up. I’ve felt all of these things. I’ve wanted to throw in the rag and call it quits, but God somehow finds his ways through the clouds and the sunrays stab my discontented heart.

His beauty reminds me of his promises. His justice. His goodness. So yeah, life may be unfair, it may be bipolar and I’m a far way from figuring it all out. But, at the end of the day it’s about realizing that life is still good. So very good.

“God is always good and I am always loved” – Ann Voskamp

Moving away from friends has been one of the hardest things in this journey, but I’m blessed to have really good friends, four of them who blessed me by coming and standing up for me in my wedding.

I have known Molly since grade school. We grew up doing sleepovers, sports, proms and everything in between together. I call her one of my best friends, she’s a pretty great one to have at my side. This was Molly’s first time traveling out of the country and visiting me oceanside. Here she is as my first guest writer and sharing her experiences.

Day 1 “And we’re off!”

On Tuesday, December 31, I embarked on a journey to the country of Haiti where I would be witnessing one of my best friends in the entire world (literally!) get married. Our plane left Minneapolis early that morning, which then connected to Chicago, to Miami, and arrived in Haiti around 4 o’clock. We had been warned to stay very close to each other in the Haitian airport and to come off very confident, which was hard for me to do, because anyone who knows me knows how awful I am at traveling! We were approached by several people who wanted to help us with our bags, in hopes of earning an extra dollar or two. As soon as we left the airport, we saw Kayla and her fiancé, Webert waving their arms and we quickly greeted them with huge hugs! We hurried to the truck and gave the men who helped us with our bags a few dollars, and when they told us they wanted more, Kayla told them in Creole to “Shut their mouths” and we got in the truck and left Port Au Prince with our trusty driver, Fan Fan! The streets were very overwhelming and we weren’t quite sure what was going on. When my friend Danielle asked, “What are the rules of the road?” Kayla simply replied, “there aren’t any”…it was then that I realized that my father, the drivers-ed instructor and grade-A worry wart, would never ever be traveling to this country!

We finally arrived to Kayla’s house, about an hour away from Port au Prince. We got to play with 3 of the most joy-filled kids I have ever met. They sang, danced, wrestled, and wore us all out! So much, in fact, that we didn’t even make it until midnight to ring in the new year, and slept right through the firework celebration that was going on in the village.

Day 2 “One of those days that I’ll never ever forget”

I realized that Day 2 of Haiti meant day 2 of no cell phone–something that is rarely seen out of my hands when I am back home; however, I was surprisingly not missing it one bit. It was nice to know that I still have a pulse without continuously refreshing my facebook, twittter, and instagram feeds!

I woke up Wednesday and kayaked that morning with Danielle, who informed me I am very slow at kayaking. The ocean was so still and beautiful that morning. I am so envious Kayla gets to view the ocean from her porch every day!

Next, we went on a tour of the school where Webert works and where the children go to school everyday and also received a tour of Tytoo Gardens Orphange. I had heard Kayla tell so many stories of the kids at Tytoo in her blog posts, so I was excited to put faces to all the names! The children at the orphanage were so full of life! One of the best parts of the orphanage was meeting all the great people who work there and dedicate their lives to helping out all of the kids.

Later that afternoon, we gathered in the Canter and traveled up to the top of a windy road that lead up the mountain, in search of a group of people to deliver some toiletries and clothes that had been donated. We saw a group of about 9 people and decided to give each of them a shirt and a pair of shorts…within minutes, there were dozens of people who had gathered around the canter, chanting “You! you! you!” trying to get our attention to give them something. There were so many people, and we began frantically handing out items, trying to make sure everyone got something. This part was what hurt my heart the most, it seemed no matter how much we had, it wouldn’t be enough. This was the moment I realized why my friend Kayla does what she does.

As we made our way down the mountain, we stopped at Joelle’s orphanage to deliver 17 backpacks that had been donated for the children. We greeted the kids with tootsie pops, and they each shook our hands and greeted us individually by saying “Bonswa!” (Good Afternoon).

The children then gathered and sat on benches patiently. Webert serenaded us with his guitar skills! I had no idea Kayla was marrying a rock star! My heart immediately melted when they performed a mini-concert for us and sang “This little light of mine” in Creole and in English. These children, who had so little, didn’t let that stop them from spreading all the joy that filled their hearts. After singing, we passed out the backpacks full of goodies and toys for the kids. It sinks in, especially after Christmas, when we see how selfish we can be with everything we think we ‘need’, and then to see how happy a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste made a little boy. Oofta!

I will be the first to admit that I had my doubts about this trip, stories of those who had gotten sick, the crime that happens, voo doo (ok, that one is from my coworkers, they know how to get under my skin). But going to bed with those happy faces in my head, feeling like I may have made someone’s day is so gratifying. As I was lying in bed, I once again realized why Kayla lives here, and why she does what she does.

Day 3 “Night with the Haitian friends”

The third Day was a ‘down’ day. We plopped a patio chair in the sand and soaked up the Haitian sun for a few hours while Kayla went to ViBella jewlery to do some work. Most of the group left for Wahoo Bay this day, but the bridesmaids stayed back to enjoy a ‘mini’ bachelorette party. Later that evening, 3 motos arrived to Kayla’s house to pick us up to take us to Guapa Pol (probably spelling that wrong!), a chicken restaraunt. There, we met up with some ladies who worked at Tytoo Gardens. (a.k.a. the Haitian friends!) We were seated on some patio furniture at the top of a building. Our dinner served that night was chicken legs, beans, picklees, a Haitian style coleslaw (favorite!) and plantains, a fried banana (not so much a favorite). Next, we left the restaurant and headed back to Kayla for some fun games and several laughs. P.S. Haitian friends, I think American friends won, just to set the record straight

Day 4 “Let the wedding festivities begin”

The bridal party packed up their things and we were off to Wahoo bay! On our way, we made several stops to pick up the groomsmen who would be standing up for Webert and Kayla, and also made a stop at a marketplace to get some food for the weekend. There was some excitement in the marketplace where we learned a tourist lesson on minding our own business! Danielle was angrily approached by a man because she had taken his picture, while Hannah had pieces of bread thrown at her face for…well we’re still not really sure why Hannah got bread thrown at her face, but it made for several laughs!

We finally arrived to Wahoo Bay and took advantage of their Wi-Fi connection. I logged onto Facebook only to reassure my mother that I was safe and was yet to be kidnapped, and also to rub in our gorgeous view to my friends wearing hats and mittens back home in the Midwest. We had a few hours to check out the resort before the wedding rehearsal. The supper at the resort that evening was amazing! (Mainly because they had more of that Haitian coleslaw that I couldn’t seem to get enough of!) We hung out for a few more hours and were sure to catch some Z’s before the big day that was approaching us!

Day 5 “The Day”

When we first woke up that morning, we thought we lost the bride! Luckily, she just couldn’t sleep in and woke up around 6 to start making sure everything was set for perfection, and the day was nothing short of that.

We helped set up a few things in the reception hall so that we could get the right “vision.” That Renae, Kayla’s mom, and decorating extraordinaire, had planned it all out in her head. The coral and tan colors fit so perfectly in the reception hall! Picture your dream wedding that you have saved in your pinterest board, then picture it on a warm island over looking the beach…yeah..it was that perfect.

Everyone then began getting ready, and then the waterworks began to pour out as I saw my best friend wearing white. She was such a beautiful bride, and I’m almost positive that her dress was made for her. Everything about the day turned out perfect. I am so honored that she asked me to be apart of her special day. After the ceremony, we enjoyed a FEAST of food and made many toasts to the new bride and groom! We danced the night away and probably stayed out a little later than we should have. I’m sure the locals enjoyed us as their entertainment!

Day 6 and 7 “The Final Days”

The final days were spent recovering from the wedding and soaking up the sun before heading back to the rumors of the negative 50-degree temperatures! Monday evening, we ventured back to the orphanage to witness one of the cutest things I have ever seen! Webert got dressed up all fancy, Kayla got back in her beautiful dress, and they held a ‘mock ceremony’ for the kids who were not able to attend the ceremony. Dell walked Kayla back down the few pews in their worship center, full of cheering children. One of the women from the orphanage, Hillary, stepped up as the minister, and once again pronounced Webert and Kayla husband and wife! When Webert got the go-ahead to kiss the bride, the kids jumped from their seats and the crowd erupted with cheers and laughs! We were once again treated to an amazing meal of chicken, picklees (YES!), rice, and beans, that everyone at the orphanage prepared for us. With full bellies, we traveled back to Kayla’s house and got some sleep as we prepared for another big day of traveling.

The next morning we prepared for departure. We gave our hugs and said our goodbyes, knowing I might not see Kayla again for a few months. Leaving her is always the hardest, but leaving her knowing all the work she has been doing, what she sees everyday, and the certain struggles she goes through was even harder. We loaded into the canter as Fan Fan, our trusty driver, brought us back to the airport in Port Au Prince.

She is so detailed with all of her blog posts, but they really don’t do it justice. I had no idea what to expect when I left. As cliché as it sounds, we really don’t know how good we have it in America. The whole time I was in Haiti, I couldn’t help but compare as to how things would be if it were in America: the laws, safety and health standards, it really does blow one’s mind. It is, however, reassuring knowing that there are people like Kayla, her friends at the orphanage, and several other missionaries who are giving it their all to spread hope throughout Haiti.

Four years ago, if you would have asked if my friend Kayla would end up finding the man of her dreams in Haiti, I would have laughed right in your face. Now, I really can’t picture her life any differently. Congratulations to Kayla and Webert, I can’t wait to see where this crazy journey takes you next!

Love, Molly

*Webert has no guitar skills, Molly was lying. *The restaurant we ate at was Gwo Papa Poul (Big daddy chicken) but loved your attempt at spelling! *I also have no explanation why Hannah had bread thrown at her! *My friends made my wedding day perfect by being there to stand up for me. *The “second” wedding at Tytoo was hilarious and so precious! *Thanks so much Molly for being my first guest writer and sharing your experience!

Today, I find myself on a balcony overlooking the ocean. A sandy beach lies before me with extra large beanbag chairs to sink your body in. An ice cold coca cola sits to my right and I’m just mesmerized that this is my life.

Years have passed now since this crazy journey began. I think of specific moments that led me to this specific place in time and I just see God smirking above saying, “I bet you didn’t see this coming, did you?”

Last week at this time I was getting ready to walk down the aisle and marry my best friend. Three and a half years ago a man walked onto my porch asking if he could help paint and we all joke that he never went home since, but my beating heart is so thankful he never left my side.

From the first day of our friendship, we found ourselves on an adventure. Before even becoming official “boyfriend and girlfriend” we rescued a dying three-year-old from a hellhole of an orphanage. Today we know him as our Jeffte. Since then, we have watched God explode our mountaintop into a place for over 800 students to be educated. It is a home to fifty chickens, lots of goats, and one ugly sheep. Over fifty people find employment at this place. We have taken in two other miracle children, who bring abundant joy to our lives every second of the day. And you have read some of the other ways God is at work, right here on this blog: the blessing of ViBella, Tytoo Gardens, sponsorships and real relationships.

You’re right God, I didn’t see any of this coming my way.

As I reflect on this balcony porch, my heart begins to skip a beat. I am truly so blessed. I think that this world is full of so many people who are looking for what they’re called to do and somehow, literally by the grace of God, I stumbled upon a life that is so full of calling and service. I have somehow found something to live for.

I paint this beautiful picture of blessing, but I will actually be the first to get pessimistic about the way the world looks. People complaining about not having a warm shower just tick me off these days. You’ve read the statistics, millions of people will spend their energy fetching water just to survive and we are going to complain about not having some “lukewarm water,” really? Maybe that sounds rude of me to actually put into writing, but you will agree with me, won’t you. We’ve got it pretty good if our biggest complaint is a cold shower.

Besides the children at the orphanage in Simonette, I live in the only other house in my village that has running water. My neighbors don’t have refrigerators or flushing toilets. At nighttime, our village is dark because we don’t have electricity 24 hours of the day. There is one road in our village, no streetlights or stop signs. I even know people who will sleep on dirt floors, drink contaminated water and never visit a dentist because they have no other options.

It makes my heart beat quickly. Makes me almost angry that people, people who I love, live like this. And some days it feels like this is the only place in the world where poverty strikes the innocent, but I only witness a speck of it. Books and statistics will tell you that we, North Americans, are actually in the minority. The poor are the majority. The majority of the world lives this way; I’m not discovering something new here.

But, my neighbors teach me the most. When I’m sick, they bring me soup to drink. When we play, they teach me new songs and the “real” rules of soccer. They invite me into their homes, always making a chair for me to sit on. They tell me of their struggles and my heart breaks over and over for them. They show me how to worship, when they have nothing left to give.

It is a picture full of so many oxymoron’s and contradicting feelings. It is hard to find contentment at the end of the day. The struggle is real, but my heart keeps beating and I know someday we will rejoice together.

And isn’t it funny, the moments when I feel most alive are when I’m sitting in a house made of tarp with a dirt floor and a mother tells me how she has found hope. I wonder on paths made of dirt wondering where the next miracle will come from. I belly laugh with orphans, hold new born babies under mosquito nets, and dream of riding a donkey to market someday. The dirtiest and poorest places make my heart beat with joy and gladness.

Last week, I started a new chapter in my life when Webert and I became husband and wife. A friend told me, “I can’t wait to see what else God is going to do in your lives.” I’m afraid of what He is going to do, honestly. Look at how much He has already done. I am afraid of the challenges He will put in front of me. I say that, but I also can’t wait to see what the future and the year of 2014 has in store.

I can’t wait to see how my heart will break, beat and jump for joy. I can’t wait to laugh at my mistakes, dance ridiculously with my kids, watch God work wonders right under my nose and see where this whirlwind called life will take me.

I hope 2014 is the year that you find a heart so alive you can feel it jump with joy in the good times and break in the bad times. I hope you find what the Lord is calling you to do and find ultimate joy in the journey getting there.

{thank you all for following my journey thus far – all of your kind words, donations and support allows me to keep pushing forward}

Happy New Year from my little crazy world to yours! 

Where does one begin when the story you want to tell doesn’t even seem real? None of the details make sense and the outcome is surreal.

It was like any other Sunday morning. Getting ready for church, chowing down on some pancakes and arguing with Loveson over which clothes to wear – he’s a total fashionista and always wanting to wear his best. I got a call from some staff at Tytoo that they were rushing my godchild, Rosie, daughter to a ViBella employee, to the hospital. She didn’t look good and was told to pray. I posted a quick message to Facebook saying we needed prayers and headed to church.

After church I had received another message that we should consider coming to the hospital with mom, Judeline, because things were not looking better. I really didn’t take the severity in their tone very seriously. I mean, Rosie came to visit us all the time at ViBella. She was only 13-months-old, beautiful and healthy. She had just started walking two weeks ago. The possibility of saying good-bye was so irrational; I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

We arrived at the hospital to only hear a very depressing diagnosis. Her pneumonia had turned into an acute respiratory infection and her body was in shock. Two nurses stood beside her as a machine was breathing for her. Mom didn’t even want to see the baby.

We prayed. We prayed one of those prayers where you just cry for God to show up. We prayed for miracles and grace.

My hands shook and body trembled as I knelt on my knees next to Judeline. This really couldn’t be happening, could it?

This past Thursday morning Judeline had asked for money to take Rosie to a clinic because she had a fever and cough. They gave her antibiotics, if something was seriously wrong we would have known it then, shouldn’t we have? Friday and Saturday were really busy days, I hadn’t heard anything, I figured it was a small bug and I would see Rosie struttin’ around next week.

We headed home from the hospital. Dad had decided to take the night shift and we would switch out in the morning. I dropped Judeline off at her house and went home. I couldn’t just sit there, though, so I decided to head back to Simonette. I rounded up a few other ViBella employees and we decided to go and pray with her.

Judeline has a small house. Her bed is in the back room with a table next to it. All of Rosie’s shoes were lined up perfectly on top, a reminder that she’s a good mom. This all had to be a mistake. Judeline sat on her bed with her tattered Bible on her lap as the three ladies began to sing and pray.

As they were praying, a song came to me that we always sing in Creole, it translates to:

   Lord, we believe that you are God.

            Yes, I believe you reign on high.

            Yes, I believe that you died

            And, I believe that you rose again.

            Yes, you are Lord of my life.

            Yes, you are the presence of peace.

            Yes, I believe you have power,

            And, I believe you are reigning on high.

And this image of God reigning on high came to me; an image that he reins among us and his spirit is on us. His spirit and presence was in that room as Judeline trembled and cried on her bed.

A few moments later I was tapped on the shoulder and was told we had to go get Rosie and the dad. It was over. God had taken her home. The worst part was that I had to tell mom now.

I had a flashback to the day when I took Rosie home from the hospital. It was the first baby I had ever brought home. Judeline had gone into labor that morning, we rushed her to the hospital and by the end of the workday we have a baby girl. I carried her in my arms as the family welcomed her home.

How was this coming full circle? I watched Judeline receive the news; she wanted to run away from me, run from it all. I told her I was going to go get Rosie for her, which really, was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

After picking up baby and dad, we asked him how he was doing. He responded, “It says in the Bible in the book of Job, God gives and he can take away. Today he took away Rosie.” Shivers ran through my spine.

We eventually made it back to Simonette. The event had drawn a large crowd around Judeline’s home. There was screaming and crying. It was dark. I didn’t know what to make of the event. It all still seemed so surreal.

I knelt before her and said I see Rosie dancing with Jesus tonight. I don’t know why she’s gone and I’m so so sorry she is. I told her I loved her. I would be back tomorrow.

It’s 4:30 in the morning now. Tomorrow morning is getting closer. We will say good-bye to Rosie soon. I’ve never been a to a Haitian funeral, let alone one for a baby, a baby that I loved and knew from day one. When I started writing, I thought by the end I would have made sense of this all. But, I haven’t.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” -Job 1:21

________________________

It is Tuesday afternoon now. Yesterday we said good-bye to Rosie. This is really the hardest blog to write. I have so much to say, yet no words are coming to me. The only thing I do know is that Judeline and I are so incredibly blessed by our Vi Bella family.

Sometimes Vi Bella  seems like some propaganda scheme, a nice story about helping women in poverty. Giving people a nice excuse to buy jewelry. But, I tell you what, it is so much more than that. Yesterday we cried together. Yesterday we stood behind our sister. We spent the day together it was amazing to feel like such a real family as we gathered in my home. I’m not saying these things just to say something nice, but saying it all because I mean it with my whole heart.

I find it incredible that God chose 9 broken people, He turned us into artists and allows us to do life together. Most days consist of stringing jewelry on a balcony porch in an atmosphere of laughter and joy. Yesterday was a hard day for us all. But, I wouldn’t have, and I’m sure Judeline wouldn’t have, been able to get through this tragedy without our Vi Bella family.

After dinner, everyone began to get ready to go home and Judeline shyly confessed to me that she’s didn’t feel ready to sleep in her bed without Rosie quite yet. (Most Haitian babies won’t ever sleep in a crib, but sleep in bed with mom.) So, we prepared a bed for Judeline, ate a turkey sandwich and I watched Judeline fall asleep on my couch on her first night without her baby daughter.

________________________

 Today was a quiet day at Vi Bella. I’m not sure where we go from here, but I find comfort that we are going to go there together.

I miss you baby Rosie and I love you. I will try to take care of your mom the best I can, she loves and misses you, too.

Rosie and I at a ViBella party

“True generosity is measured not by how much we give away but by how much we have left, especially when we look at the needs of our neighbors.”

It’s dinnertime. Wishla is plopped in her infamous red bucket, splashing in the water and blabbering. The boys are pulled up to the table eating their supper. Sweat is dripping down my face as I scurry to do dishes and clean up my house. In the distance I hear my bed calling my name, tired after another day.

Webert comes and calls my name, explaining someone is here to see me. Sigh. Who could it be? It’s a familiar face. No, I don’t know her name but I have a good guess why she’s here. The look on her face is all too familiar: desperation. She’s clinging onto one last shot and maybe she’ll find hope on my porch tonight.

I never learned her name, but she’s left a mark on my heart. She has three children; all of them went to bed hungry the night before. She continues with her story: no jobs, unemployed husband, a house made of tent and scraps, she’s hungry, the children are hungry. She has a list of things she needs money for.

She explains that two of her children go to our school. She thanks me and says, “I have no possibility to give them food in the morning and now they find bread at school every morning.”

I’m going to give God the glory for that one!

This statement eased my mind; at least we are doing one thing right. A week before I had someone gift me with three extra-large jars of peanut butter, so I sent mom on her way with some extra chunky peanut butter, 50 goudes to buy bread and the change Webert had in his pocket – I occasionally turn his pockets into my gifting stash 😉

But you know, by now, a week later, that peanut butter is far gone and mom’s list of needs were so long that Webert’s secret stash probably didn’t get her too far. It has been a week and that momma just won’t give my heart a break.

I just finished reading a book called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Clairborne. It is a book about sharing, living in community and being an ordinary radical. Putting yet again into perspective how much the North American church is asleep and people, like the momma on my porch, are desperate and crying out for justice, equality and some food!

Page 344 reads, “What’s crazy is a matter of perspective. After all, what is crazier: one person owning the same amount of money as the combined economies of twenty-three countries, or suggesting that if we shared, there would be enough for everyone? What is crazier: spending billions of dollars on a defense shield, or suggesting that we share our billions of dollars so we don’t need a defense shield?…What’s crazy is that the US, less than 6 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly half of the world’s resources, and that the average American consumes as much as 520 Ethiopians do…Someday war and poverty will be crazy, and we will wonder how the world allowed such things to exist.”

There were lots of other great analogies and arguments made in the book. But I don’t want to make this into a book report, rather an argument for the desperate woman who stood on my porch. I wonder what her perspective of crazy is.

Poverty becomes real when it comes knocking on your door, making the full jars of peanut butter gain a lot more value and the pockets full of change go a lot further. Makes me wonder what the world – more or less the desperate moms in my community – would look like if we began sharing all our excess. Spreading the wealth. Stopped our compulsive buying and truly gave to the poor. Yeah, the idea of our closets and cupboards shrinking seems quite frightening, but I’m sure the people with empty closets and cupboards will begin to see hope for a better tomorrow in our giving.

And I’m not talking about the guilt giving. The kind where it gets brought up that I’m some crazy missionary and you have to tell me about some distant relative who once went on a mission trip and you all of a sudden want to give me your spare $5 (this has unfortunately happened multiple times – awkward, I know) The guilt thing can work, but is only temporary.

I’m looking for something pure and radical. A type of giving that is driven by a desire for equality. Allowing ourselves to truly recognize all that we have and take to heart all the scriptures that talk about giving to the poor, oppressed and needy. This is obviously a subject near to Jesus’s heart, so why shouldn’t it be what’s driving us this holiday season?

‘Tis the season, when we find hope in a manger and a Savior.

“One of the fathers of the church, Basil the Great, writing in the fourth century put it this way: ‘When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one might clothe the naked and does not – should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute.’ …No wonder John the Baptist used to connect redistribution with repentance, as he declared, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near’ (Matt. 3:2) and, ‘anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none.’ (Luke 3:11)” (page 164-165)

I have lots of neighbors who need to be fed and clothed this season. So, here’s to the spare peanut butter jars and the change in our pockets that has yet to be given away. People are waiting. I truly believe we can bring the hope they are desperately looking for. I pray that the woman on my porch caught a glimpse of it.

Shane Clairborne . The Irresistible Revolution. (Zondervan, 2006) 164-165, 344. http://www.simpleway.org

We are gathered in a circle. Hand in hand, complete strangers but now new best friends. She prays, “thank you Jesus for Webert’s school and for bringing us together.” Goosebumps ran up my spine as I witnessed this beautiful circle close. It is a circle full of children, miracles, grace, provision, sponsors, and real relationships.

This past weekend Ron and Sandy had the opportunity to meet two of their sponsored children for the first time. They brought gifts and showered them and their families with love. We visited the children’s homes, met their parents and saw an ugly puffer fish being prepared and cooked. We got dusty and sweaty, but I was inspired by the love they had to share to their neighbors.

Ron and Sandy with Klinesha

Maybe they are not the kind of neighbors you expect. Ron and Sandy are from South Dakota and ClaudeBensky and Klinesha are from a small village called St. Gerard on an island in the Caribbean. They come from a land of wealth and these children live in poverty. Their skin colors are different and they don’t speak the same language but there was something deeper that brought them together.

Ron and Sandy with ClaudeBensky and his family

It’s the best part of my job: bringing people together. People who wouldn’t have ever met had it not been for a school built on a mountaintop. People who wouldn’t have ever met had it not been for miracles and a lot of grace. People who get to have real relationships with their each other. We get to witness God’s faithful provisions by providing us with sponsors for our children.

Sponsorships keep our school running. It keeps close to 900 children educated and fed. It allows more than 50 people to be employed. It’s a beautiful thing and it’s real. I know it seems like we’re far away and my stories seem so wild, but I believe with all my heart that these are the neighbors Jesus talks about. These are the least of these. They are the ones we aren’t supposed to just walk by and ignore.

Ron and Sandy rocked my world and truly blessed me this past weekend. Realizing, yet again, that there is always more love to give. There are always more ways to be a blessing to our neighbors. It’s a beautiful circle and a beautiful thing when we join in His work together. The relationships are pure, honest and simple. Nothing better than complete strangers hugging and praying together all because a school was built on a mountaintop and a God who made it all possible.

Be a part of it all. It’s a beautiful thing. See the Touch of Hope link to start sponsoring a child today.

Today I said good bye to one of the most incredible and inspiring woman I know. Esther King and her family have officially transitioned out of Tytoo gardens and are taking a much deserved and needed furlough. There are big shoes to fill while they’re gone.

The story of Tytoo Gardens orphanage is quite incredible to begin with. The original founder, Ed Hughes, originally planned to build Tytoo and make it into a night club/brothel. In the process of building, hungry kids kept showing up at the gate and feeding them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches became a bigger priority than his brothel project. Over the years he had a change of heart, found Jesus and founded and orphanage. After passing away in 2009, the orphanage became run down with the children fending for themselves. In 2011, the King’s came in to basically save the orphanage. It is quite easy to say that if it weren’t for them, Tytoo’s gates would have been closed a long time ago.

In 2012, Touch of Hope and my family began partnering with Tytoo. What I have learned from them in the past year and a half can’t possibly be shoved into a blog post.

Esther has been like a second mom to me. As I transitioned into living here full time, she was there to offer advice and always let me cry on her porch. She has this spirit that makes everyone feel welcome and needed. She inspires and never stops giving. The amount of lives her and Frank have touched and literally saved from death are enough to write a book about. (I hope someday they do write one!)

This past Sunday we had a “farewell” beach day in honor of Esther. On our way home, I was captivated by this country. It has given me so many opportunities, put amazing people into my life and blessed me with breath taking sunsets. As we cruised down the road, I had a hard time taking it in. I really didn’t want to say good bye to this woman who I admire and quite frankly depend on so much. But, I know that it was inevitable. Another season was coming to an end and life would be changing. So, I’m just so thankful. I’m thankful for the adventures we have been on together and all the things I got to learn from you. I’m thankful for the cold diet cokes, the hugs, the tears, the mistakes, the victories, the tie dye dresses, the books, the advice and the memories.

We aren’t quite sure what the future holds at this point for Tytoo. There are great people on grounds now to fill in the needed leadership and staff roles. We believe there is a season for everything and if it hadn’t been for their initial obedience to come and save Tytoo, so many people would have gone untouched. For that I say thank you to the King’s. Thank you for turning Tytoo into the honorable, life-saving, authentic mission and orphanage that it is today.

there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun;
A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to harvest, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (abbreviated)

It’s easy to get caught up in poverty. In its complexity. In its severity. In its unfairness. In it all. It is harder than what I ever imagined and no matter how many books or articles I read about it none of them will ever make me an expert on it.

It is easy to lose patience, motivation and hope. It’s easy to come up with excuses and have pity parties. It is scary how quickly my heart becomes hard and my soul dark.

But then I experience these moments with people who have been trapped in poverty their entire lives. They’ve endured it. They live life with grace. They’re my super heroes, role models and inspiration. They have taken my perspective on life, turned it inside out and leave me with a happy soul.

These two little girls, Dieulina and Gesperline, light up my world. They’re two of the original children that I first got to know in Simonette and made me fall in love with Haiti. They’ve been my teachers, inspiration and best little friends. They make my soul happy.

I think I’ve written about my friend Antoinette before. She takes care of her granddaughter, who is orphaned because her dad was shot by gangsters and mom died when she was a baby. Antoinette herself is a mother to eleven of her own children. But, she’s so sweet. I wish I had more time in my day to visit her and more chances to just go and give her a hug. She’s one of those ladies I could just sit and listen to her life story and be inspired. Every time I see her, she makes my soul happy.

I wrote about Amelisa last month. A little girl with a severe genetic bone disease, who chose to come live at Tytoo just so she could go to school for the first time in her life. She sits on the front bench in class, between two classmates, and her voice rings pure joy as she sings along with her teacher and classmates. I’m watching a little girl’s dream come true and that makes my soul happy.

I met baby Princess well over two months ago. She was born with a brain deformity and has only half of a brain. She has no reflexes and lies there quite lifeless, but her mom does an amazing job loving her and can even makes her smile. Most would argue that baby Princess’s life has no meaning, but having the privilege of meeting her and seeing how much her mom loves and cares for her, makes my soul happy. My life is changed because of them.

so much attitude!

Filane is one of the craziest women I know. She has more attitude in the tip of her fingers than I do in my whole body. She dances and sings, makes jokes, gives the biggest hugs and loves Jesus. I wish I were as confidant and crazy as she is. She just recently became and employed and her “mate” is now a security guard at my house. They hope to save their earnings and get married soon. They make soul happy.

(Most Haitians wait many years to get married because they can’t afford a ceremony. They will live together and have children together, but will never get married. This is just another reason why employment is so valuable and needed.)

Angeline was the first mother to ever give birth at Tytoo’s clinic. It was a stressful morning when she arrived at the gate at 6:30 a.m. in active labor, but holding an hour old baby was amazing. Angeline is now employed at Tytoo as a laundry lady and her baby girl is doing amazing and is beautiful. Easy proof that Tytoo’s clinic is impacting lots of lives and that my friends, makes my heart happy.

This is Naika, our newest rescue baby at Tytoo. Her dad could no longer take care of her and was abandoned at our gates. She’s the sweetest thing I ever did see. It makes my soul happy knowing we can provide hope to the least of these in our area.

I took time to recognize most of these lives as we dedicated the new praise & worship center on Tytoo’s ground this past Wednesday. A team from Canada came and built the amazing new center. Not only will Sunday worship services start being held here, but it will become a gathering space for fellowship, a place for the children to play, a waiting room for patients at the clinic and a shaded area for other miscellaneous activities. Tytoo Gardens has never felt so alive, and for that my soul is very happy.

Wishla loves helping the boys do their homework

The consistency and craziness of my little family brings complete joy to my life. Wishla wakes up smiling and is just a quiet, content and joyful little soul. Her brothers keep the house dirty, loud and active but they’re so sweet to their momma. They’re growing up way too quickly, though. My fiancé makes my soul quite happy too!

less than two months until we say “i do”

Last but not least, this newborn, fluffy donkey makes my soul probably too happy. We had to put Arthur down this past summer after having been hit by something and it just so turns out that this baby donkey is Arthur’s little brother! I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with donkeys, but seriously, how can you not love him!? My parents are not very convinced of the idea of another donkey, but he’s just so fluffy!!

Miracle babies, amazing and strong mothers, fluffy donkeys, family, God’s provisions with a lot of laughter and grace make for a happy soul. OH! And this random man I met in market yesterday, he has an ice cream business on wheels. He pushes around a soft serve ice cream machine that is powered by a small generator and the whole idea of it just made me laugh, how genius is he!

Ice cream will always make my soul happy.

Love from Haiti.

When I can’t sleep at night, my mind is usually cluttered with the day’s activities, tomorrow’s to-do list, or future ideas. When it’s raining, I think of the people sleeping in tents, wondering how do they do it? When the lighting strikes and the thunder roars, I think of the small children who have confessed to me that they think their small huts are going to tremble and fall in the storm.

Lately, though, in the middle of the night I have found myself awake, attentive to each and every sound. A fear has been instilled in me. The devil himself has found his prey.

These have been the last two weeks for me, a spiritual warfare I can barely win. I usually write with such confidence and speed. But with violence in our area, break ins and robbery at the school and just a different tone from people, my heart is beginning to skip different beats.

I’ve always felt so safe here, in this small corner of the world. The sad part is that no specific event has even happened to make me feel this way. I feel unstable even feeling this way. I’ve always proclaimed, “If this is where the Lord wants me, He will protect me.” Then why can’t I close my eyes at night?

I asked the Lord to speak to me. Have power over these fears. And He did, like always. In church this past Sunday, I was led to the book of Romans and flipped open to chapter 8.

There are some words that string together in the Bible that make it hard to understand. Those sentences you have to read over and over again before completely understanding what’s trying to be said. I can read an entire paragraph, understanding each and every word, but having no idea what it means by the end of it. Romans Chapter 8 did that to me this past Sunday. I read verses 1-17 over and over again, forgetting to breath because there is so much to take in. The spirit and body of the flesh, we’re dead to law but not if we receive, and now we’re adopted so we share sufferings and so we will have glory and so many, many other words strung in between all of that.

But, the part about the sufferings. That caught my attention. If we share in his (God’s) sufferings, we will also share in his glory.

Yeah, I needed that. Because, whether I’m personally suffering from made-up, yet very real fear or suffering from a broken heart for the orphans, widows and hungry there is a promise here that God himself suffers from these things, too. If we share in His suffering, we will also share in his glory.

Verse 18 continues by reading, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

And in this, I see a new message to share with all the people that cross my path. We are suffering together. Even God is suffering with us. But, what we are suffering from today will never compare to the glory of what will come. Take heart. Stand firm. You know, there’s power in that promise.

I’ve been really spiritually weak. This blog comes from literally several weeks of sleeping with some type of fear that I could feel in my bones. And then followed by this guilt of how can I sleep in fear while in a house with steel gates on every window and a security guard who watches the house at night. My fear is so illegitimate when there are children hiding every night from a war; or children sleeping homeless on the streets; or children being beaten and abused in their homes; or children being trafficked, raped and sold into slavery.

And my heart cries for them and for those I touch everyday in my small corner of the world in Haiti, because we are all suffering. Around the world, millions and millions of people, with stories all separate of our own. Persecution, injustice, oppression and violence crawl into the darkest places of our world and it seems as if only small, innocent voices know of their powers.

Sometimes it is just hard to deal with it all, face it all day after day. But, God is faithful and I don’t want to be someone who lives in fear. His words are full of promises; promises that I want to take to heart and live authentically by.

Romans chapter 8 continues with verses 28-30, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 

The past three days I have been stuck in bed, fighting some type of bug. Unfortunately, this country has lots of weird parasites and diseases to offer to us wimpy North Americans. Regardless, I’m finally feeling better, but I’ve had three days to read and re-read this chapter 8.

And I think I will sleep without fear tonight knowing the final verses of chapter 8:

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?…In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Verse 31, 37-39

Whatever you’re suffering from today, I hope you will find light in these promises.

Love from Haiti.